Intimacy with God and other goals

How easy it is to get diverted from God. I am so fragile and prone to wandering. Whoever wrote "Come Thou Font of Every Blessing" had it right:

Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above

Ever so subtly, my gaze shifts from God. Lately I've been in a panic to do something meaningful. It happens because I worry that inside, I am worthless, that the only way to salvage myself is by producing something-- money, prestige, anything "valuable." I've been in such a desperate frenzy to do something that will make me feel good enough.

And I never will! There is nothing I will ever DO to feel worthwhile. I totally shifted my eyes from God. God does not want my measly works. He wants ME. He has already redeemed me, deemed me as valuable. Every day, instead of asking what I can do to feel valuable, I should ask how to grow in Him. He has the journey of a lifetime planned out for me, but I have to listen to His Spirit and read the Word.

I have been listening to a Princess Diana biography audiotape when I drive to Ann Arbor, and that's fairly frequently, so I'm almost through it. Her death was so sudden, and it makes me realize that life is truly a wisp, here today, and gone tomorrow. I want to make a lasting contribution to God. I don't want to live for myself. I don't want to have a mundane existence that won't matter eternally. I want to make a difference for God. I want to further His Kingdom. That's all that really matters.

I want more of Him and less of me. I have been thinking of what I want to accomplish this summer, and intimacy with God is first and foremost, but I want clear, empirical goals of what I should strive for in the coming months.

This summer is kind of a transition time for me, a difficult time of renewing family relationships and dealing with all the drama that comes with that. It is also a low-key summer, probably my only real "break" for the next 6 years. I hate lots of down time, but I know that in about 6 months, I'll cherish this time I have.

With that in mind, I have the following goals:

-Draw closer to God: getting involved in a small group, listening to the Spirit, reading the Word, going to church regularly, putting into practice what I learn, doing a frequent spiritual inventory

-Spend time with family members, as many of them and as frequently as possible, as I will not have this luxury of time or proximity for a long time

-Strive for health, getting involved in some kind of support group, going regularly to appointments, and taking a constant inventory of temptations and struggles

-Rekindle old friendships in the area, spend time with friends who I haven't in a long time, visit friends elsewhere as much as possible, possibly try to meet new friends

Since I will not be in school this summer, I need to focus less on work and more on relationships. I want to spend time with friends and family generously, serve frequently, and love, love, love others-- anyone who I feel God is calling me to love, and especially, falling in love with God, who provides the best relationship of all.